Love, (as a closing in a letter to a friend) (2025)

Hi all, is "love" as a letter closing considered feminine? I'm not from Western culture and to me, it is really feminine.

e.g.

Love,
John

I feel that the above looks very wrong and that this closing is only used between females. Is that the case?

EdisonBhola said:

I'm not from Western culture and to me, it is really feminine.

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Why is it feminine in your culture, EB?

It can certainly be used by men. Some people would use it only people they are close to; others use it more generally. I think I can use it when writing to other (older) men, say to a father or uncle.

Remember that 'love' can be used as a general term of endearment in some parts of Britain to strangers as well. If you wander into a shop, the shop assistant might say, 'Are you all right, love?' (In this instance, the speaker is likely to be female, addressing a man or a woman.)

rhitagawr said:

From a man to a man, it would signify a sexual relationship - at least to me. I certainly wouldn't use it when writing to my father/brother etc. even if I did love him as a member of my family.

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Is that maybe a cultural Welsh standpoint? It's weird for me that you think "love" when written between males, signifies a sexual relationship. I consider that shallow (from you).

This seems to be emerging as more of a cultural issue than a language question.

For what it's worth. my perception is that children, particularly young ones, use it pretty indiscriminately.

As a male adult, I'd have probably used it with close/immediate family, but I don't have any surviving relatives to whom I'm sufficiently close to consider using it now. Wife or girlfriend/boyfriend would be OK but I wouldn't use it with just a casual friend of either sex.

Make of that what you will.

perpend said:

Why is it feminine in your culture, EB?

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I guess part of the reason is that we don't tend to show our feelings as readily. I apologize if I have offended anyone with this post. I just want to make sure it's okay to close a letter using "love" when it's between males, in western culture. I love western culture and would love to learn as much as possible about it.

I agree that this is a cultural rather than a linguistic question. Many men regard expressions of emotion as feminine, and therefore are reluctant to express emotion - they would view any such expression as sexual. This type of man is likely to be particularly uncomfortable expressing love for another man, since that would carry associations of homosexuality, even in a father/son/brother relationship.

Personally I use love with family members and with close friends, although I am careful with close male friends in case they are of the type who would be uncomfortable with it.

I would not recommend it for a teenage boy writing to a male friend.

EdisonBhola said:

What if, say a 15/16-year-old boy writes a letter to his best male friend/schoolmate, can he use "love" as a closing?

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I wouldn't have dreamt of doing it at that age, and I think I'd have felt very uncomfortable if I'd received such a letter.

Nowadays? I don't think a teenage boy would do it unless one (or probably both) of them were gay.

rhitagawr said:

From a man to a man, it would signify a sexual relationship - at least to me. I certainly wouldn't use it when writing to my father/brother etc. even if I did love him as a member of my family.

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I think it is OK for a sibling, or even a brother-in-law. But I would stop and think before I used it for either. In my situation with my brother (who lives 600 miles away and I don't see often) or my brother-in-law (who I still keep as a friend even though my sister has died) I feel "love" works fine.

FunkyCamomila said:

Hello Everyone!
What would you recommend a boy of 9 write instead of "Love" when writing to a boy? In a school letter the teacher reduced points for not writing 'love" but my son won't write "Love" to a boy for obvious reasons. Thank you!

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If the boys are friends, then "Your friend," would be a suitable complimentary closing. If the boys are not friends, or if they don't know each other at all, then I think we would need to know more about the circumstances of the letter (how old are the boys, and why is one writing to the other?) in order to judge what would sound natural and appropriate.