Workplace romances are common, which is not surprising as we spend a whopping third of our lives at work. Regular interaction can naturally lead to romance between coworkers, as the proximity effect suggests. But what if you suspect your boss likes you?
Most organizations frown on romances between bosses and employees because of the imbalance of power, but also because when a boss has a relationship with an employee it can cause accusations of favoritism, promote gossip and jealousy, and even claims of sexual harassment. Therefore, if you suspect your boss is hiding their feelings, it’s probably for a good reason.
So, what are the signs your boss likes you but is hiding it, and what should you do?
17 Signs Your Boss Likes You but Is Hiding it
1. They get jealous of your relationships with other colleagues
We don’t get jealous of people we don’t have feelings for. Watch out for your boss badmouthing colleagues you get on well with.
2. They flirt with other colleagues but not you
It’s easy and safe to flirt with people you have no intention of having a relationship with. However, it might be a little too close to the truth for your boss to flirt with you. If your boss flirts with everyone but you, it’s a sign they’re trying too hard to hide their genuine feelings.
3. They act hot and cold with you
One minute your boss is hot for you, the next you are ghosted. It’s possible they’ve realized they’re coming on too strong or that others are noticing and curtailed their behavior accordingly.
4. They give you preferential treatment
This is one of the less subtle signs your boss likes you but is trying to hide it. Perhaps they are trying to show you instead of saying how much they like you.
5. They are self-conscious around you
There are several reasons your boss acts nervously. Perhaps they are anxious about revealing their feelings, or they’re self-conscious about how they feel.
6. They give vague or short answers
When we’re hiding something, our stress levels increase. We don’t want to let our feelings slip out, so we purposefully keep our answers short or vague.
7. They joke about being in a relationship with you, then retract it
Does your boss call you their work wife or work husband? Do they casually talk about being in a relationship with you as if it’s normal? This could be their way of testing the waters to see how you react.
8. They treat you differently to other colleagues
We want to please the people we like, so it’s not unusual for your boss to give you preferential treatment. They might not even realize they’re doing it.
9. They get into your personal space
We don’t let just anyone into our personal space, so if you are letting your boss get physically close to you, it’s a sign they like you and you feel the same way.
10. They don’t make eye contact with you
Our eyes are the windows to our souls and give away our feelings and desires. It’s not surprising that your boss is avoiding eye contact with you if they’re hiding their feelings.
11. You catch them staring at you
However, we like to gaze upon things or people we find attractive, so you may also catch your boss staring at you. If they quickly look away, it’s a powerful sign they’re into you.
12. They’re always complimenting your work
Your boss can use your work to pay you compliments. After all, they can’t exactly comment on your appearance or personality without giving away how they feel.
13. They are always around you but not near you
One sign your boss likes you but is hiding it is what I call the proximity alert. Are they always in the near vicinity but not directly in close contact with you? They’re always just on the periphery because they don’t want to make their feelings obvious, but they can’t help being drawn to you.
14. They always seem distracted around you
As well as giving short or vague answers, when we’re hiding something, our brain must work extra hard to keep feelings in check. We’re mentally overloaded and appear distracted.
15. They change their appearance
Has your boss started wearing makeup or a smart suit to work suddenly? Do you get a waft of cologne or perfume when they’re around? We want to look our best when we’re attracted to someone.
16. They fiddle with their hair/clothes, etc.
Fiddling with hair, jewelry or clothes is a sign of flirting and often subconscious, so this is a reliable sign your boss likes you because they won’t know they’re doing it.
What should you do if you think your boss likes you but is hiding it?
So, you’ve noticed some signs your boss likes you but is hiding it, what should you do? Your next course of action depends on the circumstances. For example, is your boss married or in a relationship? Are you attracted to your boss? Do you want a relationship with them? How would it affect your career if you dated your boss?
Only you know how you feel about your boss and whether a relationship is on the cards. However, I would be cautious about pursuing a relationship with your boss.
Relationships with a clear power imbalance are not only unhealthy but can have serious consequences in the workplace.
Research shows that romantic relationships with a boss don’t have positive outcomes. For instance, there was a higher negative impact on the career advancement of men romantically involved with their female superiors.
Perception in the workplace is also poor, as studies on flirting at work reported lower job satisfaction.
Art Markman is a professor of psychology and marketing at the University of Texas at Austin and says in an interview with the Harvard Business Review:
“It is a bad idea to get involved with anybody who is in your chain of command — up or down.”
Reasons why dating your boss is a bad idea
- If you reject them straight away, you are the disposable one, not them.
- It could be against company policy to date a colleague.
- It can make coworkers question your promotion.
- It can erode trust in your coworkers.
- Coworkers can accuse you of favoritism.
- It’s difficult to be objective when you’re giving a performance review to someone you’re dating.
- Your boss can force you into doing something you’re not comfortable with to protect your career.
- If the relationship doesn’t work out, it can make working together difficult.
- Your motives might be called into question.
Despite the risks, you want to engage in a romantic relationship with your boss?
Act immediately and be open about the relationship
All studies show it’s a bad idea to date your boss, but, if you do, you must act immediately. Experts at the Harvard Business Review advise the importance of being open about the relationship and informing HR. They may prefer to switch you to a different team in the company or assign you a different boss.
Know your company’s policies
Many companies still prohibit workers from dating because it can be a minefield when two people become romantically involved. Some companies want full disclosure, and others have rules about the number of times you can ask a coworker out.
For example, at Google and Facebook, you can ask once and if the person says no, or is vague, you cannot ask again.
Set clear boundaries at work
Can you imagine how you’d feel if a coworker dated the boss? You may suspect this person is getting preferential treatment or has better chances of promotion. You certainly wouldn’t want to see them flirting all day or talking about their relationship at work.
Set rules about when and where you’ll talk about your relationship so that work issues don’t spill over into your relationship and vice versa.
Talk through what you’ll do if the relationship ends
How will you both navigate the workplace if your relationship ends? Can you set some ground rules now while communication is open, rather than deal with a messy workplace breakup? How will you manage if you must work together?
Final thoughts
If you’ve spotted the signs your boss likes you but is hiding it, there’s probably a good reason. All experts say that dating your boss is a bad idea. Only you can decide whether the risks are worth it.
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